Do you ever feel like something is missing from your life? Do you have a hard time finding your place in the world? Or do you feel like you’re carrying other people’s burdens on your shoulders? Do you know your role in the family and what it means?

From the perspective of family constellations, finding one’s rightful place in one’s family of origin find one’s place in the world.

Many people are not in their true place. The reason is often that they subconsciously take someone else’s place in the family system.

For example, a person might take:

• taking on one of their parents' roles (this is called parentification),
• grandparent's place,
• the position of an ancestor omitted from some systems,
• or a sibling whom the family doesn’t talk about or whose existence they aren’t aware of.

Every sister and brother has their place

Every sister and brother must be seen and acknowledgedso that everyone can be in their rightful place.

This also includes these brothers and sisters:

• who were not born (e.g., miscarriage, abortion, lost twin, IVF embryos),
• who were stillborn,
• who were the children of one parent from a previous relationship,
• who was given to someone to raise,
• both children who have been born and those who have not yet been born.

They all belong to the family system.

If this place isn't really yours

For example, if you’ve been told that you’re the first child in your family, but there was a miscarriage or abortion before you, then from the system’s perspective you are not actually the first.

In that case, you may have subconsciously taken the place of your unborn sister or brother.

This can be expressed, for example, as:

• as a strong sense of responsibility or a burden,
• the feeling that there's just too much of everything,
• the difficulty of following one's calling or the path of one's heart.

In that case, there is an overlap between you and your missing sister or brother, which may affect how you feel and how you live your life.

Subconscious Dynamics in the Family System

Taking someone else’s place in the family doesn’t happen consciously. Most of the time, we aren’t even aware of it.

From the perspective of family constellations, however, exclude anyone from the family system on a soul level — not even those who were never born.

When someone is overlooked or excluded, the system often finds someone else to represent them. This can mean that a person takes on feelings, energy, or even a fatethat actually belong to someone else.

A deep subconscious identification can develop between living siblings and those who are not spoken of.
This entanglement can dissolve when they are noticed, acknowledged, and given a place in the heart.

If we don't know the whole family's story

Often, we don’t even know if our parents had other children—whether with each other or from previous relationships.

Sometimes parents don't want to share these stories.

The good news is that we don’t necessarily have to be consciously aware of this.
This information is often already present within us at the systemic level and can come to light, for example, during a family constellation.